mindful meditation

I have been trying to learn and practice mindfulness and use mindful meditation to treat anxiety for the past year. Now, my first impulse is to try really, really hard and learn it all really quickly. Unfortunatley trying too hard is a habit that can cause me stress so I have consciencely chosen to be more relaxed about it. I have found that by doing it this way, the process of changing the way I think, feel and live is a lot less difficult than it would have been.

Learning to think and live in a mindful way is the easiest and hardest thing I have ever done. I am as proud of the progress I have made as I am about earning my graduate degree. I climbed a mountain.

Ironically, I don't think that the changes are very visable to others in my life. But I FEEL different. I always feel like I am on the cusp of "getting it". Like I am about to feel "normal" again at any moment if I can just reach the next level of understanding. Understanding what, I am not sure but I feel now like I am on the verge of being a less anxious person.

The problem is, I still feel more anxious than I expect. The good thing is I have made friends with my anxiety and I am not very troubled by this nor do I see it as a failure of any kind. I know meditation and getting back to journal writing (this blog) for "right-brain" exercise (I am left-brained all the way baby!) will help.

cracking the ice

Getting to work (1 hour commute) was a challenge today due to a snow/ice storm. As I attempted to approach my car this morning a sheet of crunchy ice & compact snow greeted me in the parking lot. It was actually kind of fun to to crunch to my car (bad shoe choice though) but it made me reconsider going to work. I was afraid the roads might be too hazardous. I decided to try, since I am stubborn about using my vacation days due to weather. It took me 20 minutes to make my car drivable and included using my ice scraper/brush thingy like a hammer to break the ice sheet covering my car. Again, kinda fun for a few minutes but at a chilly 20 degrees it got old really fast.
My biggest complaints about the roads today were the stupid or thoughtless people who did not completely de-ice their cars. I think it is dangerous to have big sheets of flying ice & snow flung along the highway at 55 mph (Just my opionion). Other than that the roads were well salted.
Of course all my appointments are cancelling so I don't really have anything to do at work since i am fairly well caught up on paperwork. So I communted an hour in ice to sit for 8 hours.
Why did I move from Florida????

Go Gators!

I am a proud University of Florida graduate and Gators fan, so of course I watched the BCC Football National Championship game last night. Well... I tried to stay up for the whole thing but of course I carted myself off to bed at 11:15 pm because i couldn't keep my eyes open any longer. Still I was happy to learn this morning about our 3rd title in history.
The first time the gators became national Champions in football I was a college freshman. Now my cousin is a freshman at UF and got to experience the same thing. It was so much fun and I hope she feels the same way.