mindful meditation

I have been trying to learn and practice mindfulness and use mindful meditation to treat anxiety for the past year. Now, my first impulse is to try really, really hard and learn it all really quickly. Unfortunatley trying too hard is a habit that can cause me stress so I have consciencely chosen to be more relaxed about it. I have found that by doing it this way, the process of changing the way I think, feel and live is a lot less difficult than it would have been.

Learning to think and live in a mindful way is the easiest and hardest thing I have ever done. I am as proud of the progress I have made as I am about earning my graduate degree. I climbed a mountain.

Ironically, I don't think that the changes are very visable to others in my life. But I FEEL different. I always feel like I am on the cusp of "getting it". Like I am about to feel "normal" again at any moment if I can just reach the next level of understanding. Understanding what, I am not sure but I feel now like I am on the verge of being a less anxious person.

The problem is, I still feel more anxious than I expect. The good thing is I have made friends with my anxiety and I am not very troubled by this nor do I see it as a failure of any kind. I know meditation and getting back to journal writing (this blog) for "right-brain" exercise (I am left-brained all the way baby!) will help.

cracking the ice

Getting to work (1 hour commute) was a challenge today due to a snow/ice storm. As I attempted to approach my car this morning a sheet of crunchy ice & compact snow greeted me in the parking lot. It was actually kind of fun to to crunch to my car (bad shoe choice though) but it made me reconsider going to work. I was afraid the roads might be too hazardous. I decided to try, since I am stubborn about using my vacation days due to weather. It took me 20 minutes to make my car drivable and included using my ice scraper/brush thingy like a hammer to break the ice sheet covering my car. Again, kinda fun for a few minutes but at a chilly 20 degrees it got old really fast.
My biggest complaints about the roads today were the stupid or thoughtless people who did not completely de-ice their cars. I think it is dangerous to have big sheets of flying ice & snow flung along the highway at 55 mph (Just my opionion). Other than that the roads were well salted.
Of course all my appointments are cancelling so I don't really have anything to do at work since i am fairly well caught up on paperwork. So I communted an hour in ice to sit for 8 hours.
Why did I move from Florida????

Go Gators!

I am a proud University of Florida graduate and Gators fan, so of course I watched the BCC Football National Championship game last night. Well... I tried to stay up for the whole thing but of course I carted myself off to bed at 11:15 pm because i couldn't keep my eyes open any longer. Still I was happy to learn this morning about our 3rd title in history.
The first time the gators became national Champions in football I was a college freshman. Now my cousin is a freshman at UF and got to experience the same thing. It was so much fun and I hope she feels the same way.

Shopping Addiction

Like many Americans, I want our economy to be healthy but...I am really enjoying the sales that this downturn has resulted in. It came at a great time too, Christmas and now that I need a size bigger :(
I spend lots of my free time at work browsing the internet sales. I check couponcabin.com daily to check out the deals. I may not buy EVERYTHING in sight but its tempting. Also Macys and Ann Taylor Loft. This is the first year i will not be dashing out at the last minute to buy Christmas gifts, I have one or two left to buy. I owe that all to the stockmarket crash of '08.

Thanksgiving summary

My husband and I drove to my sister & brother-in-law's home for a long (and much needed) Thanksgiving vacation (10 hour drive). I was so excited for this trip. A chance to relax, spend time with my husband, travel and of course to see my adorable niece. Everything went very well..
My husband & I walked around the historic town of Beaufort in the lowlands of South Carolina. They preserved many beautiful buildings and plantation style homes. They also have a new waterfront walkpath and swings to rock & cuddle on along the water. The main street has restaurants, art galleries & tasteful/creative gift shops.

We also went to downtown Savanna, GA for a tour in a trolley & a walk on their riverfront. Like Beaufort, savanna has fun shops, beautifully preserved houses & tons of history in every nook & cranny. My favorite shops include the candy stores where they make candy infront of you and give you samples too. Plus a peanut shop where you can by any product ever though of that can be made of GA peanuts. Too much to do for 1 afternoon. I found a lovely piece of pottery, a serving dish designed with a clay and painted magnolia theme-beautiful!

My neice is growing so fast! She has learned to sit up and do a half crawl-half scooting manuver to get around. I don't know how she does it but it is just about the funniest thing I have seen! She is full of smiles and loves to cuddle. She took to me straight away, letting me hold & play with her. By the 2nd day of our visit, she was falling asleep in my arms for naps & bedtime while I rocked her. It was heaven. Unfortunately, she seems to be going through a... I only like women phase... so she rarely let my husband hold her. She was even fussy for her dad.

My sister & I cooked our 1st Thanksgiving dinner...on our own (with only 1 call to mom). Lots of work but it turned out well. We stuck to the basic traditional Thanksgiving feast. The best dish was our sweet potato casserole. It had a pecan/brown sugar crumbly topping that I thought was much tastier than the usual marshmellows.

Favorite pictures

Seaworld- orlando. Manatees are gentle & endangered Florida mammals.

Picture taken at Seaworld-orlando.

I am amazed at creation.

A beautiful but functionally camoflaged seahorse

Family pet- this turtle could fit in the palm of my hand when my parents first got him. Now he feels big and tough so he leaves the safety of his pond to dig holes in the yard (under the gazebo much to my mom's frustration). He likes to balance on the edge of the pond and spread his limbs and head to take in the sun.

Enjoying a Mr. Greengenes concert- no better band to watch perform!

Friends enjoying Rock Band. Perfect way to party in the burbs.

My sister and her daughter, the little girl that stole my heart. I have learned this year how happy events like weddings and babies can bring a family closer. This has definately happened in the last year, partly due to this little peanut. This picture is currently on my desktop at work, it makes me smile throughout the day.

My wedding was this May and I love the lighting in this photo plus you can see the bliss written on my face. Also I adored my hair that day and I tend to prefer pictures that showcase it!

The big 31...

I think this was one of my favorite birthdays in recent years. It is all because I have a fabulous husband.
He isn't used to making a big deal out of birthdays (his idea of a big deal is cake & card). Well, I am into birthdays...my whole family is. I enjoy having a day to celebrate my life. I am thrilled to be alive and I want to have fun on my day. So he has been a fabulous sport this year...

My birthday was this monday but last saturday we had lunch in downtown Baltimore (Inner Harbor) and saw Madagascar II on IMAX at the Maryland Science Museum. Then a lovely dinner at Linwoods, a local place but top notch cuisine.

On my actual birthday, he suprised me by taking off work to spend the day with me. We went to a boutique fair (purses, jewelery, textiles) and spent time at my mother-in-law's home. She makes jewelery and is going to design a necklace for me. She is full of ideas and imagines possibilities in everything she sees. She had these little raw saphires in a beautiful shade of blue and we found a necklace in a magazine to use for inspiration.

My husband also baked me a cake and made me dinner. I love that he can cook!